Friday, 2 December 2011

Garden Media Guild Awards - The Musical

Ok, if you want serious gardening commentary look away now. This is how I think the Garden Media Guild Awards would look if it were iterated as a musical or rock opera. All events and personalities depicted are almost entirely fictional* (apart from 3 Men Went to Mow, clearly). Here is the outline and draft soundtrack** - I am now going away to work on the choreography.

'The Pub', Act 4...

Garden Media Guild Awards – The Musical
Act One

The good and the great of the gardening media world awake. They dress uncommonly carefully, remove stray mud and have a coffee. There is a sense of anticipation, excitement even as they leave the house.
On arrival they are greeted by a bowler-hatted gentleman and attend to the first business of the day – the GMG AGM. Votes are cast, more coffee is drunk, opinions shared. Onwards and upwards, say all.

Act Two
In a swirl of glittering society, a glass of pink champagne is pressed into the hands of our heroes. A slow dance of top-ranking gardening people ebb and flow in a vivid, breathless throng. Old friends are met. Work, gossip and the gardening issues of the day are discussed as they move in to dine.

Act Three

Gorgeous dancing waiters served enthralled diners with opera cake.
And the show began. With an explosion of irreverence, the entertainment arrives to perform eye-opening routines in song and dance. One by one the winners dance to the stage, to kisses and applause while the runners up receive certificates in the crowd. In a final crescendo of song and dance, a full-crowd performance centres on the journalists crowned. Those who didn’t win swallow their disappointment and think ‘So what! i’m as good as the next man’ and continue to party with gusto.

Act Four
But the show is not yet over. While some opt for a quiet chat chat over afternoon tea to bring things down a bit, the party animals go on to the pub. Increasingly tired and a little emotional the gardening great and good engage in a demon networking dance routine and generally let it out. Until it is finally time to go home.

Many hours later they awake. The buzz fades, the blues pass, it is another beautiful morning and life goes on as normal. The vision fades.

... And they all lived happily*** ever after.

The End
*I make no fun of anyone and no criticism is implied - I just got bored on the train home and started inventing song and dance routines!
**Apologies in advance for the quality of some of the sound - youtube is beyond my control.
*** Muddily, literary, photogenically...whatever happy is for you.


  1. Love it! I'm so impressed that you had the creative energy to think all this up on the way home.

  2. Most entertaining - I especially like your version of the pub ;)

  3. Thanks! I had to do something to stop myself falling asleep. It is a very, very slow journey home at that time of night. With the risk of ending up in Penzance if you drop off!